I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize