If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
NoShamevember. You game?
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
