im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
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