plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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