So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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