when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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