He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
my being single is dangerous.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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