i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
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