thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
P.S. I can't hear my feet
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
