he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
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