I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
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Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
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I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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