Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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