i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
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