You're completely useless in the revolution.
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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