Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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