Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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