I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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