you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
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