i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Randomize
