I can tuck mytits in my pants
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
