dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
