Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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