I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
