Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
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