For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
