onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
