Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
