I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I have already put on my inside pants.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
