that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
