well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
