remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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