You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
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