They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
