I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Randomize
