I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
