i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Randomize
