ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
