Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Rumble strips road head = magical
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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