Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
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