I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Randomize
