he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
We named our party play list daddy issues
accomplished twins. life is a go
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Randomize
