if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
