I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I FOUND THE LEGS
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
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