my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
is that a dick in a sweater?
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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