he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
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I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
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The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
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