Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
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