Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
