so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Why is there bacon in the couch?
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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