I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
