hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
