dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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