if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
