Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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