you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
