I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
