This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
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