just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
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