Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
