it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
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