the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Randomize
