end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Randomize
