Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
