Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
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once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
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