She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
