I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
