why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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