he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
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