so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
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