The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
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