Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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