My first STD was from a foam party
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
