looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize