Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
