ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
now i know why i became what i already was.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Im part way to drunk.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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