If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
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