feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
