i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Randomize
