Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
