You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
