I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
