he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
