He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Randomize
