So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
