just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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